by Mary Ann Balista

Finally! High school graduation commenced and everyone were excited on starting a new chapter of their life. College. Then I started to reminisce all the dreams and wishes I have when I was still a child. I have been wanting to become a doctor and take care of my grandma. But with all the three different scholarships I got, I was juggling around on which one  I should take. Ever since I was little, I’ve always seen myself going abroad  to meet my long lost father and I feel so positive about that somehow. I had to take into consideration the consequences of each scholarship offer before I make any decision. Since none of my scholarship were related to medical studies, I had to take a pick between engineering, arts and sciences, and education. I decided to go for industrial engineering not because i liked it but based on my emotions. It was for the simple fact that I get my full tuition covered, a few of my friends were there and I can go out of the country anytime after graduation.

First couple of years in college, I was so focused on my studies (besides I have to maintain a 1.8 average every semester to keep my scholarship). Then I received a call from my grandma from the US that my petition papers are getting taken cared of and that I have to send back whatever information and documents they needed. I was exuberant of the whole thing and I decided that I am going to make the most out of my last few years in the country. On the other hand, my aunt’s husband saw my potential in dancing and he decided to form a dance group for talented youngsters as well. We debuted in GMA 7′s Singgit Cebu as  the DS Bodyflex Dancers. I’ve never had so much fun in my life until the group. It was more because I  had the freedom to be out on my own. But this freedom was just imaginary. My mom was always calling my aunt and arguing with her of letting me stay in the dance group and be out all the time. Growing up, my mom was never supportive of my extra-curricular activities. Every time there’s practices for school programs and class activities, she always despised that and she’d rather have me at home watching my siblings and doing house chores. My aunt offered to send me to ballet school when I was 3 but my mom told her that I have to take my naps in the afternoon and that was very frustrating for me. During family parties, she’d always say that other kids were better dancers than me, and I was so stiff and I wasn’t graceful at all. All these criticisms I kept in my heart for a long time and it motivated me more to improve my dancing skills and prove my mom wrong. I was the president and assistant choreographer of our dance group, and we really took dancing to a different level. We had so much bookings for corporate celebrations, election campaigns, and university events. We danced  in family parties to national television, plus I was getting hired for dance choreographies by groups for debuts, weddings and contests. Everything I earned helped me with all my expenses in school and buy myself a few things that I wanted.

With my hectic schedule, I was barely at home. I’m at school during the daytime and at practice during the nighttime, and weekends were all scheduled up as well. I was juggling my life between being a student and a dancer, not to count I was an officer in an organization at the university and I joined in the college competitions during intramural. My studies were jeopardized at that time since I was doing all these different activities but yet I was having so much fun. My mom didn’t agree to all these things that I’ve been doing and she tried to ground me a few times. I barely saw my family on the weekends especially that I was lodging with my aunt during school week. I just couldn’t see why I should miss my college life when I didn’t even enjoy my childhood to begin with because I had to take responsibilities at home at an early age. My siblings have grown up and their not little children anymore, and they can be taught to help with the chores. I had every excuse just not to be at home. My friends in school called me a party girl for doing things non stop.

It was almost graduation when I heard news about my immigration papers. I was approved right away after I went to Manila twice for a physical examination and the final interview. I was so ecstatic and I thought in my head that I have to do the most that I can to have fun in my last few months here. I was scheduled to leave right after graduation for US but then I didn’t wanna leave knowing that I just got done from college and I wasn’t able to spend time with my family yet. They set me up to leave for June, but then again I had it rescheduled because I was just having way too much pleasure. Then, it was time for me to leave for the US. All of the emotions that  you can think possible started churning in my stomach. I felt like I partied way too much that I haven’t really spent quality time with my family. I am going to miss my friends and most specially my family. My family sent me off and that was so devastating for me to think that I’m leaving them behind and the place that was home to me for my entire lifetime.

The flight was long and exhausting. Finally, the  plane landed in Los Angeles at 1:54pm on the 4^th of September 2004, all my hopes and dreams started rising again. I thought about how I can get a good opportunity so I can help my family back home. At first, it wasn’t easy to wake up each day with a family that you barely know and not having your friends around to talk to. I was living with my dad, his wife and my two little half sisters in Las Vegas. It was hard mainly because I can sense how they feel about having me. They feel that there’s a new girl in my father’s life and that he’s paying more attention to her now. But then, I was visiting relatives here and there for the first three months so I wasn’t there at home for the most part. When I was home, I cleaned up the entire house and fixed things up at home. The house was adorable and so neat. I baby sat my two-year-old sister when my dad and my step mom were at work. I tried to be a good, loving sister to my other sister who was in grade school at that time. But I sensed that my 8-year-old sister was envious of me and she messes around with my stuff when I’m not watching. She stole a few little things from me and that to me was alerting. I told my dad how my sister was behaving and he was mad about it. It caused them a lot of problems when my dad tried to discipline my sister. My dad and his wife separated right before Christmas. I felt so terrible that they separated but I know that it was not because of me that they separated but because of the lack of listening and understanding on the part of his wife. Me and my dad lived through the holidays by ourselves and that was the first Christmas that I spent with him.

The day after Christmas I was in training to be a loan officer for a small loan company. On my way out of the office, the Cebuana lady who runs the real estate office next door invited me to stay in for their company Christmas party. I met my beloved partner there in the party and a few people as well who were all nice and accommodating. I got to talk to the lady after the party about getting a job so I can at least have income coming in. She suggested that I work for a marketing company that she used to work for. She then recommended me to a friend of hers. Next thing I know, I was working. With the help of my dad and my boyfriend, I was able to get to and from work. I was working as a timeshare field representative and the job required good communication skills, motivation and aggression. I worked outside in the cold in which my body wasn’t used at all. A couple of weeks after, my dad took me to the car dealership and I was able to get myself financed to get my own brand new car. I was so happy to be able to acquire it in such a short time though I was making little money from my job. Work was so depressing at times because there was so much rejection involved. I would party hard on the weekends just to release all the stress that I felt. I’ve never been rejected so much in my life by strangers till that time that I was working. But I had to do it. I told myself that I have to work hard to be able to support myself and pay my share of expenses in the house. As I got better with what I was doing, I switched to another company that paid higher commissions. That’s when I started to feel a little bit of satisfaction. I was able to rent a room on my own from a friend. I worked so hard about  40-56 hrs a week. My friend tried to raise the rent for the room and added a fraction of the utilities to it. I thought it was ridiculous because I wasn’t making that much. So I asked a friend of mine, who happens to be my instructor in college for a few months, if she wanted to rent an apartment. To my amusement, she was about to ask me the same thing. So we both moved to an apartment. For me, that was a little accomplishment. It worked fine for me because it was in a nice area.  But then, money was just enough for me to pay bills and there’s nothing left for me. So I started working as a part-time secretary. The managers I worked with liked my performance so they gave me flexibility in my schedule. I made my own work hours. It helped so much since I had a full time job as well. I was planning to get my own condominium when my dad asked me for help. He wanted me to rent the other master’s bedroom in the house his renting since his friend moved out and he’s left to pay it by himself. I felt so bad for him that I moved in to help him. I was forced to leave my friend behind a little earlier than the end of our lease term and I felt so sorry for my friend too since we really had a good time there in the apartment. Before I moved, I already had an interview with an insurance agency to do life insurance sales. I then invested money to get the job. I went to insurance school and got my license.

After a month of living with my dad, we were forced to leave the house he was renting because the owner was selling the house. So me and my dad moved to an apartment. With a leap of faith, I left my full time and part-time job to do the insurance sales. The income was so promising as long as you work hard. I believed that I can do it. I started training right away same time that we moved in to our new apartment. I was training every day and not getting paid since it was a commission only position. I finally got my license, and I started going out to the field and worked hard every day.  Four weeks after, I got promoted to a supervisor and that raised my percentage in commission. Soon thereafter, I was training my own agents. My numbers were good and I’ve seen a few people along with me in training leave one by one. Business was dragging with only a few agents left in the office and more bills to pay.

One early morning, I received a phone call. It was my mom. I sobbed so hard when she told me that my grandma passed away. I was so devastated because I just talked to her weeks before that and she asked me when I was coming home. Unfortunately, I was too late. I rushed home to the Philippines with a few hundred dollars with me and my tickets loaned from my aunt. That was the last time I saw my beloved grandma, who loved me so much. After the burial, I went back to Las Vegas and realized that my pockets empty and I have so much on my cup.

A couple months after, I was promoted to master general agent in the agency. I had my own supervisor under me training other agents as well. I basically had my own business to take care of then.  Business was all good  until changes in economy put everything in distress. It was getting too expensive to drive around town and people weren’t buying insurance anymore. People were losing their jobs because of company wide lay offs and people who had insurance were canceling their policies.  Bills were rising and my income was getting lower and lower. I had so much pressure at home since my dad moved back in with my step mom and the kids. So I had an empty room to fill but a full month’s rent to pay. If it were not for my boyfriend, I would have been on the streets. Recession hit really hard and that’s when my boyfriend said that it’s better if I just resign from my position and cut my traveling expenses at work. I dreaded leaving my office because I had young agents who are up to their throats on debts and struggling to survive. But I had to do what I had to do for my sake and for my family’s sake. So I was jobless for a few months and it killed me to be just at home with nothing but house chores to do. My boyfriend paid for my rent and I still had debts to pay for. I have to find a way somehow to make money. I started tutoring my friend’s middle school son a few hours week and it helped me pay off some bills. I was going through screening for jobs in hotels and casinos in the Las Vegas strip but none of them were hiring people who have college degrees. It seems like a threat for them to have a college graduate in entry level positions in the hotel and casino industry.

I finally talked to an old friend and she wanted me to work with her marketing for a timeshare broker. I started working again and I slowly paid my bills. Things were doing good until there were changes done in the company I worked for. My friend left the company and I stayed. The cut back on Las Vegas tourism really hit hard on us and eventually the company had to close. On the other hand, I wasn’t quite worried about that since I already had a new job lined up for me in a new hotel and casino. Then I started working for this new place in the casino marketing department. Now I’m able to take care of my finances and I’m able to send money to my family. After a year of working with the company, I was promoted to a supervisory position. Besides my job, I invest money in stocks and bonds as well to further my income. In my journey, I almost gave up but somehow I still found hope. Despite all the things that happened in my five years in Las Vegas, I’ve always gone to church to hear mass on Sundays and special religious occasions. I constantly prayed for my family and loved ones. I prayed that I will be shown my way through out this entire journey and be able to pass the challenges I encounter. Am I successful? Yes. Success is not only measured through wealth but what you have done along the way. I may not be rich but I am proud of who I have become as a human being. I’ve remained a good person and more so I’ve learned what love really means. By always being there for me no matter what, my partner taught me how to love unselfishly without any condition nor reward. As I lean forward, I count my blessings every day and thank God for who I am.

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